


i just wanted to give you your coat back

by aqakita



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, F/F, ex-farrentina
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-20
Updated: 2018-05-20
Packaged: 2019-05-09 13:04:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14716584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aqakita/pseuds/aqakita
Summary: Valentina finds Farrah’s coat when she’s tidying up.





	i just wanted to give you your coat back

As the spring was coming to life, Valentina thought that a clear out was an apt use of her time. Cleaning her room, throwing out every sentimental possession that reminded her of the people she’d left behind, she stumbled upon something that she couldn’t distract herself from. It was a pastel pink, fluffy coat, one that had clearly been left and forgotten about. When she lifted it up, the mawkish cotton candy scent that clung to it hit her senses hard, despite it having begun to dwindle in its abandonment. Her fingers sunk deep into the cottony fur and left her awash with memory. This was Farrah’s jacket.

Her grip on it was grew so tight that her knuckles were whiting. She could feel the tears pricking in the corners of her eyes, and she tried desperately to blink them back. Farrah left this here the night of the breakup; she hadn’t thought to pick it up. In the three months since, she hadn’t called for it, and Valentina had hardly even noticed that it was there, having piled other things on top of it over time. There was no surprise that it went forgotten about. It was far from a peaceful split - they ended on shouting and crying, brought on by threats and accusations. The latter were largely from the suspicious brunette, whose doubts had been consuming her in the final weeks.

Out of all the things in life that she regretted, this was the one that gnawed at her unrelentingly. Sweet, whiny Farrah brought her so much happiness. She was loving and funny, and ironically, unrelentingly loyal. Yes, she had her moments where she flirted and toyed around with other girls, but that was all it was. And even when she made those accusations, Valentina knew that was the case. Consciously, rationally, Valentina knew that Farrah wasn’t cheating, and that she wasn’t the cheating type. However, jealousy was an ugly emotion. Her unfortunate possessiveness was what caused their clash, and ultimately, caused the break up.

Moving over to the edge of her bed, she slumped down, clutching the soft fabric of the coat to her chest and losing her fingers in the fur. The first time Farrah wore this was the first time she stayed here.  All the intricacies of that night came to life in Valentina’s head, from the soft crumpling of the cotton quilt to the low rumble of cars on the road outside. Her girlfriend was afflicted with the tail end of a cold, and her breath had been falling in quiet rasps. They’d planned the night for so long that she was determined to show up, even if she was a little under the weather.

Blanketed only by dim moonlight that spilled through the curtains, Farrah had been drifting in and out of sleep, and her honeyed voice was limited to whispers by the pain in her throat. Her body was pressed flush against Valentina, her head on her chest, and she was kept close by an arm around her back. Her body was warm, and in the proximity, she could feel the rise and fall of her ribcage with every breath. The fingers of the arm around her gently kneaded the pink fuzz of the jacket, massaging into her side until the brunette could feel Farrah’s body melting into her own. She marvelled at the delicate sigh left her lips.

4am brought mumbles about the clouds they watched out of the open curtains, rolling against the black of the sky. She remembered vividly Farrah asking if she reckoned the clouds ever got lonely - she told her that they couldn’t, because the sun was always near. The giggle she got in response had made her heart skip then, and did so again as it echoed in her mind. Drowsiness played at the pair, and in the daze induced by the threat of sleep, their lips met for the first time, brushing softly and lazily over each other. Valentina swore she could feel the heat in her stomach from that night pooling there again in reminiscing.  

The tears that threatened her were now rolling down her cheeks. She was sobbing as she buried her face into the garment, ignoring the irritation of the fibers as they clung to the damp of her face. With each heaved breath, the perfume that possessed the object lunged into her, the familiarity of the scent tearing deeper into the reopened wound. It felt like the claws of thought were coated in salt. In this moment, reminiscing desperately over her lost love and own mistakes, she wished she could have her back. If only she’d bit her tongue, then maybe things could have worked out.

Rekindling things wasn’t an option; Farrah was taken again already. In the wake of things falling apart, she took her quick uptake into a relationship as confirmation of her fears. It was Aja who she’d been scared of, who she’d been convinced Farrah seeing behind her back, who she was certain she was going to leave her for. And, only 2 weeks after the relationship ended, they got together. For that reason, Valentina was certain that she hated Aja. She didn’t really like them to begin with. They’d butted heads many times, but when the fear of them taking her girlfriend emerged, that set the loathing in stone.

Did she hate them now? No. But that didn’t mean she felt good towards them. All that anger had simmered down to exasperation at most. She’d seen online, and she’d heard in person, in the unfortunate situation that she was confronted with the happy couple, that Farrah loved them. They’d been together for only two months now, how could she call that love? That was hypocritical, and she knew it. Only a week in was she convinced she loved her, why should the standard be any different for Farrah? The whole train of thought worsened the sting.

She’d not spoken to her in a while now. They’d bumped into each other at odd times, when they were both out shopping or in passing while the other was at work. Conversation had been limited to uncomfortable hellos. Only once had she seen her with Aja, and when she did, they shot her a glare so harsh that she could feel the hairs on her arms stand up. It made her stomach flip when Farrah laughed about it, a sound once so sweet to her ears that was now coated in malice. After that, she’d done her best to avoid seeing either of them.

The garment in her hands was something that, though sentimental, she wanted rid of. In her mind, keeping a hold of an ex-girlfriend’s jacket was a little creepy, especially when she wouldn’t even keep it to wear. But throwing it out didn’t seem like an option. At one point, Farrah described it as her favourite thing. There would be no surprises if it was too tarnished with foul memories for her to think the same about it now. Reaching over for her phone, Valentina anxiously considered an idea that came to mind.

She still had her number - she still had all the texts. A sense of paranoia and self preservation mixed with a self destructive sentiment made her hang onto them. Maybe she would need receipts; maybe she would need a good cry, wine drunk at 4am on a Wednesday. The last thing Farrah sent was a ‘we need to talk.’ from the day that things finished. Absentmindedly thumbing the home button, she tried to decide if this was worth it. The worst thing that could happen would be that she was just told she didn’t want it.  
  
 _V: i found your coat. do you want it back?_  
After what felt like the longest minute, she got a text in response.  
F: pink fluffy coat?   
V: yeah.  
F: sure. can you bring it now?  
V: of course. see you soon. x  
F: thanks.

Valentina was angry with herself for putting a kiss, but it was on autopilot. She hoped desperately that there wouldn’t be any assumptions made, but when she really thought about it, she doubted that would be the case. Farrah wouldn’t care about it - she didn’t need to. Tidying herself up a little, making sure she was ready to leave, she went on the short walk towards her ex’s house.

She knew the way like the back of her hand. If you asked her to, Valentina could probably draw a map of the streets, of every signpost, every bush, every tree. She never let Farrah walk home alone; she was too frightened of what could happen to her. It wasn’t like she herself would be particularly off putting to an attacker, but it still made her feel better. In the free hand that hung by her side, she felt the ghosting of another in it, but when she closed her fist, it was empty.

The flamingos on the front lawn watched her with spite. It felt like with each step, the lawn lights were glowing brighter and brighter until they felt overwhelming. At one point, this house as like another home, but when she reached the door, it felt sickeningly sterile and disjointed. The pink paint of the door once so vibrant in her eyes appeared to have taken on a greying look. Shaking the coat out, making sure the fur was falling nicely, she held it by the collar in one hand, and knocked the door with the other.

There was a bustling on the other side, the whisper of voices muffled by glass, and then, the door handle rattled. While Valentina hardly came with a speech in mind, her voice was caught in her throat when it wasn’t Farrah at the door. It was Aja. Aja, whose sneering face set her heartbeat into overdrive and made the tips of her fingers shake. They made her nervous 3 months ago, and they left her now with a mixture of fear and anger. Behind her, leaning against a cabinet with an uncharacteristically steely gaze was Farrah.

“The fuck do you want?” Aja took a step forward, and smirked when the girl stepped back.  
“I wanted to drop this off,” She extended the coat forward, avoiding eye contact. It was swiped from her grip, “She said I could.”  
“ _She_ has a name.” The words were spat chastisingly.   
“ _Farrah_ said I could bring it over. I found it in my room, I thought she’d want it back.”   
“Well, you’ve given me it, and I’ll give her it. You can go now.”

Valentina hesitated, though she took a half step back as they moved a little closer again. If she were a braver woman, perhaps she would have stood her ground. Perhaps she would have made a statement, demanded to give Farrah the coat back herself, demanded to speak with her and make amends. She wasn’t a woman of no confidence, but in this situation, she was not sure footed enough to execute a decent defense. She didn’t want to be the girl who humiliated herself begging to her ex in her front garden.

From the hallway, the pink haired girl stepped closer, to be near her partner’s side, looking over their shoulder to frown at Valentina. For a moment, she felt a little bit guilty. It had been a while since she’d last seen her, and with the depth of closeness that they’d shared, it wasn’t as if she didn’t think of her from time to time. Things ended horribly, and the accusations made towards her had hurt Farrah so deeply that the sight of the brunette used to turn her stomach. But now, faced with her at her door, empty handed and bleary eyed, she felt an ounce of pity.

That wasn’t enough for her to extend a hand.   
“Thank you for my coat.”   
The lacrymose words were chased with the slam of the door. She’d done what she’d came her to do, and now, Valentina headed home.


End file.
